Apocalypse Now

One of my cyberfriends is called Markey. He's an ex-GI who fought in the first Gulf War, but has since retired from the army and is now living and working in Europe, currently in Germany. After always voting Republican throughout the 80's and 90's, this year he cast his absentee ballot in favour of Kerry. Yesterday, he wrote an open letter/job application to Dick Cheney. I thought it was really good and funny, so here it is, in all its unedited gonzo glory (and a shout-out goes to Dr. Thompson):

dick cheney
c/o white house
washington D.C. nov 3,2004

Congratulations on your great victory last night in middle america. ive
really been on your side from the start,and this only confirms my
conviction. when you came on board in 1999 for VP, i knew it was all over.
who else could of annihilated the entire gender gap in 72 hours? the gay
marriage ban admendment will go down in the history of political science as
a master stroke. even james carville and frank mankiewicz burst into tears
and both said they were quitting politics forever.

i feel the same way, except that i will need work after this election and
thier is no place id rather work than the white house for the next 4 years,
especially with YOU in control. and that is inevitable,i think. i have
admired the raw power and awesome consistency of your work for many years
and i look foward to finally joining up with a winning team and putting my
expertise to work.

You can consider the Drug Problem SOLVED, for instance.dont worry about it.
Bush sr dident loose that war,he was just bidding his time and waiting for
the right kind of help... which is ME dick, i feel like Mohammad Ali on his
way to fight george foreman. we will kick more *** than anybody since
Truman.

Dont worry. i know what im doing, and so will a lot of other people pretty
soon. there will be grumbling, but only from the WRONG ones.we have cleared
the decks,dick. We will march on a road of bones.
And speaking of bones,dick-never mind all those crazy things i used to say
about george w bush. Hell no! remember that law about "sticks and stones may
break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
You bet. i have it framed on the wall right in front of my desk....
Hell,words are only pearls before swine,anyway. our job will be to make the
swine break thier teeth. we can turn them into impotentt sloats by using
thier fear against them. that is the main principle of kung fu.

OK,dick. thats about it,for now. Please give me a ring ASAP, so we can get a
running start on this thing. I am chomping at the bit, as they say, and the
drug/terror situation is so grim that we must move at once and get a jump on
the buggers before they really see the election results and run for cover.

Our time has come, and im ready if you are. we will crush them like hot
grapes.
With warmest regards, i remain your slavish admirer,
markeyD
c/o otzberg
Gen delivery
hessen,Germany